Is stress damaging your relationship?

"There are things you learn best in calm, and some in storm."

— Willa Cather

One of the patterns I've noticed over the years is how stress wears relationships down over time.

When we think about the impact of stress, we usually think about our health, peace of mind or happiness. But one of its biggest costs can be overlooked.

I'm not talking about relationships that become filled with constant arguments, although that certainly can happen. More often, couples simply start coexisting.

They become two people managing life together rather than partners genuinely enjoying one another.

The reason is surprisingly simple.

Relationships need nurturing, just like our physical health. When life becomes too full and you're operating at capacity all the time, you simply don't have enough left to invest in the relationship. You're tired, your mind is still on work, and by the end of the day there's very little energy left for the person sitting next to you.

One of my favourite ways to think about this comes from Stephen Covey, who described relationships like a bank account.

Every interaction is either a deposit or a withdrawal.

Deposits are the things that build connection: listening properly, showing patience, making time for one another, creating moments of fun or romance, and helping your partner feel understood and valued.

Withdrawals are the opposite: being distracted, reactive, critical, emotionally unavailable or constantly prioritising everything else ahead of the relationship.

When the account stays in credit, relationships become stronger. There's more laughter, more affection, better teamwork and greater resilience when life becomes difficult.

The problem is that when you're constantly busy, stressed and overworked, it becomes much harder to keep making those deposits, simply because you're running on empty.

Reducing stress and busyness isn't just about protecting your own wellbeing. It's one of the best investments you can make in your relationship. Create a little more space. Stop living at full capacity. Give a little less of yourself to work and everyone else, so you still have something meaningful left to give the person you chose to build your life with.

The irony is that we often work so hard because we're trying to build a better life for the people they love. Yet, if we continue living at full capacity, we can end up neglecting one of the most valuable parts of our life: our relationship.

If you'd like some help creating that space, I'm here. That's exactly what my coaching is designed to help people do.