How to set boundaries

"Boundary setting helps you prioritise your needs over other people's wants."

— Lauren Kenson

The biggest killer of happiness, peace and contentment I see in driven, high-achieving people is too much self-imposed expectation and responsibility. It leads to packed schedules, busy minds, chronic stress, restlessness, and a sense of never really being present, even for the good moments.

That pressure comes from trying to live up to our own internal standards, with no boundaries.

Here are some of the most common ones I see:

• Take care of other people

• Work hard

• Achieve

• Earn more

• Do things properly

• Care for others

• Stay fit

• Be productive

I wonder how many of those resonate with you.

They're all healthy drives to have, but they become a problem when they have no boundaries. If the rules that guide us have no limits, neither does our behaviour.

For example, we might believe it's good to give to charity. That doesn't mean we give away every penny we earn, or even the majority of our income. We'd quickly end up with nothing ourselves. We naturally understand that there has to be a point where we've given enough.

The same applies to these internal standards. If they have no upper limit, they'll keep demanding more of our time, energy and attention. "Work hard" becomes work all the time. "Take care of other people" becomes neglecting yourself. "Achieve" becomes a race with no finish line.

So I'd encourage you to spend a few minutes asking yourself a simple question:

• What does enough look like when it comes to achievement, hard work or taking care of other people?

And perhaps most importantly: have I already done enough?

Many times in my life, I’ve achieved something and gone straight on to the next milestone. I’ve had a full, active week and still found myself trying to squeeze in one more activity.

The key is learning to pause and say, “Maybe this is enough for right now. I can give myself permission to stop.”

When you define what enough means, you create healthy boundaries. You still get to live by your values, but you stop them from taking over your life.